


Stop Thinking With Your Heart (for a moment)

by cryz_22



Series: Grey's Anatomy AU [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Directorship - Freeform, Doctors AU, F/F, Grey's Anatomy AU, I Will Go Down With This Ship, but they're not together, director danvers, is this angst?, luclex, lucy x alex - Freeform, not yet at least, they fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 00:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18509905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryz_22/pseuds/cryz_22
Summary: You might be smart and good at this, but you're not thinking like a doctor yet. Questioning my decision in the ER might not be your best move.akaLucy gets hit with the hard cold reality of being a doctor (surgeon).





	Stop Thinking With Your Heart (for a moment)

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 of a supposedly one shot Grey's Anatomy AU that I am now very invested in. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I know nothing about medicine or anything in the med field, so I probably got a bunch of medical things wrong but let's just pretend that they're right.  
> I also do not own any of the characters used in this story, this is just a fanfiction and I think it's nice to see them in another universe which I also adore wholly.  
> You don't need to have watched Grey's Anatomy in order to understand this, but it would make more sense if you read the first part of this series. 
> 
> *Take note that Alex is three years older than Lucy in this but she's also like a genius so she's a surgeon when Lucy is only an intern.  
> *They are not together yet so like if you're here for some hospital romance, that's not happening yet :)

Lucy hates people that drunk drives. 

Not only are they putting their own lives at stake, but other road users as well. 

And the chaotic emergency room in front of her right now proves her point. 

“Someone page ortho, I’m feeling multiple bone fractures in his right leg.”

“Prep an OR, no time for checking so get me eight packs of O neg, hurry!”

“Where’s Dr. Hunt?”

“Crash cart!”

“I need to intubate!”

Lucy stood at the side, stunned at the situation. Doctors were barking out orders, nurses were rushing around, there was blood everywhere she turns and people are crying and yelling and screaming. 

Lucy was running labs for one second and the next second she was standing in front of the ER. 

Lucy had seen chaotic situations. She’s been interning in Seattle Grace for a month now. 

But nothing was ever this crazy. 

Apparently a drunk driver crashed into a car on the highway, and multiple other cars were involved, causing a chain accident. 

“Lane! Get in here!”

Lucy was snapped out of her daze, and she rushed into one of the rooms where Dr. Yang was at. 

“Stop the bleeding on his leg.” 

And with that she got to work. 

* * *

 

“Did anyone page Dr. Danvers yet?” Dr. Karev asked, looking through the CT scans. 

And that moment, Alex pushed open the doors and entered, “I’m here. Start talking.” and she was putting on her gloves and started assessing the patient’s condition.

Dr. Karev held the CT scan results right below the light, “Driver, 32, alcohol influenced, he caused this whole chain of accident. I did a CT scan and there’s bleeding here. And his BP is higher than normal.” 

Alex took a look at the scans, noting the bleeding source and size, before going back to checking the patient’s pupils. “His pupils are fine, but he needs surgery soon before the bleeding goes any further. Any other major injury?”

“No he got lucky. The other guys aren’t as lucky.” Dr. Karev said, shaking his head. 

A sharp knock on the door was heard and Alex gave it a glance, she saw Dr. Yang standing there, “Dr. Danvers. I have a restrained passenger, 22, he suffered direct impact from the drunk driver’s car and CT scan shows severe injury on the impact area. He needs surgery soon.”

Alex continues on whatever she’s doing, “Where’s Dr. Shepherd?”

“He’s already in surgery with one of the other victims.”

“Okay.”

Alex took off her gloves and turned to Dr. Karev, “Give me a minute, clean him up quick and get an OR ready.”

And with that she followed Dr. Yang into the other room, the one where Lucy was in as well. She overheard the nurses talking at the side, “His injuries are the most severe out of them all. He’s on break from med school.”

The CT scans were already on the lightbox, Alex walked up while putting on another pair of gloves, “Impact was from this side?” she asked, pointing at the obvious bleeding near the temporal lobe. 

“Yeah, the drunk driver crashed straight into his side.”

Alex nods, “He needs surgery soon, and he can’t wait any longer…”

Alex took out her penlight, while Dr. Yang wanted to head out to get the OR ready, “Okay wait…”

“Dr. Yang look at this.”

“Anisocoria…He didn’t show this when I checked earlier.” Dr. Yang furrowed her brows. 

Lucy was listening the whole time, and she took a second to remember what anisocoria was. 

_ Oh this is bad. _

“How long ago was the scan?” Alex asked. 

“About 15 minutes.”

“Do another quick scan, I want the results asap.” And with that Alex left the room to check back in on the driver and to update Dr. Karev on the situation. She needs to evaluate both of them before making a decision. 

* * *

 

Alex was done checking on the other patients and she went back into the room that Lucy was in. “You got the results?” She asks Dr. Yang. 

Dr. Yang nods, “Yeah. It’s a coup-contrecoup. The new CT scan shows swelling and bleeding on the opposite side of impact as well.” she points to the new bleeding.

Alex took note of the bleeding, and reassess the original bleeding source, “He’s bleeding quick...His chances of survival are low at this rate.” Alex says, furrowing her brows.

“So he needs surgery, right?” Lucy asks.

Alex takes a deep breath, “Even if he does get surgery, I don’t think he’s gonna make it.”

Lucy raised her brows, “What do you mean?”

“I have another patient next door that needs surgery. He only has one side bleeding, I can get in there and get out with minimal issues.” Alex said as she did another round of assessment on the patient, wanting to make sure of his condition before making any decisions. 

“So what? You’re gonna just give up on him?” And this earned Lucy a glare from Dr. Yang. 

“There’s only so much I can do. If I get in the OR with him and he doesn’t make it, it’ll be too late for me to save the driver then. And if he does make it, there’s a 70% chance that he’ll end up brain dead.” Alex explains, getting slightly frustrated at Lucy. 

“He caused this whole accident! This guy on the other hand was innocent! He’s in med school on break, you need to save him!” Lucy was yelling at this point, but Alex just shut her out and tried to focus on her own thoughts. 

Alex went through all the possible choices she has. She can’t move either patient because both of them aren’t stable enough and moving them to another hospital would just increase the chance of the bleeding to become more severe. They don’t have another neurosurgeon. Derek still need at least two more hours before he can be anywhere near done with his surgery. None of the residents were skilled enough for this even if Alex were to guide them step-by-step. 

Alex was alone in this. And she needs to make the decision. 

“Monitor his vitals, I need to get in surgery with the driver now, if the bleeding doesn’t worsen in half an hour, prep an OR and I’ll get in as soon as I can.” Alex concludes and instructs Dr. Yang.

Lucy looks at her with disbelief, “You’re not even gonna try to save him first?”

And for the first time ever, Lucy felt anger radiating from Alex. 

Alex sent a sharp glare at Lucy’s direction, “Dr. Lane, you’re off this case.”

It was cold. Too cold maybe. 

Lucy froze upon hearing that, and she felt all eyes in the room on her.  

“Get out.”

And she left the room with her own anger towards Alex. 

* * *

 

Lucy was pissed. 

Okay maybe not pissed, but Lucy was confused, and slightly embarrassed. 

She’s confused as to how someone like Dr. Danvers can choose to save someone who caused a chain of car accidents over someone who was an innocent victim that was in med school. 

And of course she’s embarrassed at how she lost control in the room. It’s never wise to challenge an attending on their decisions, let alone Lucy was merely an intern. If Dr. Danvers wanted to she can take this to the Chief and have her kicked out of the program. 

But also, this is the first time Lucy got kicked out of a place. She got kicked out of a trauma room...by the one person she admired. 

She helped run some labs and draw some blood after she was kicked out, and now it seems like the chaos is finally settled. Most of the victims were either in surgery or already treated. 

Lucy sat at the waiting area near the lobby. She took off her coat, needing some time to herself, but kept her pager on her of course. She saw people crying from bad news and people smiling from good news. It was emotional.

And then finally she saw Alex walking towards the vending machine near the lift. She looked frustrated, and kind of tired. 

She got her can of cheap coffee and then went into the meeting room. 

Probably to breathe. 

The meeting room was empty except for Alex. 

Lucy didn’t know why but she wanted to talk to Alex. Maybe apologize for challenging her in the trauma room. Or maybe she wanted to challenge Alex again, question her why she did it. 

Either way, Lucy knocked. 

Lucy didn’t wait for Alex’s response and walked in the meeting room, closing the door behind her. 

Alex was sitting on one of the chairs with her legs up on the table. 

Her coat and pager were on the table next to her, and her coffee can already empty. 

Alex opened her eyes a little to see who’s bothering her when all she wanted was peace.

Upon seeing that it was Lucy, she shifted in her seat and closed her eyes again. 

“What do you want Dr. Lane?”

“How did your surgery went?”

“It went well. No complications. He’ll be fine.”

“What about the student?” Lucy asked. 

Alex put both her legs back onto the ground, “Dr. Yang told me that he flatlined before I even started my surgery on the driver.”

Seeing Alex this casual about it made Lucy’s blood boil. It made her tick and suddenly she’s filled with rage and a rush of emotions came from deep within her. But her rational side had it under control. 

She bit her tongue, “Good for you. You made the right choice. I hope you can sleep well tonight.” and with that she turns to leave the room. 

“Lucy.”

Lucy stopped. 

Alex was standing. 

Her voice was anything but angry. It was mixed with emotions that Lucy couldn’t comprehend. 

Lucy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, counting to ten before releasing it. “You could’ve saved him. How could you make such a choice?”

Alex started walking towards Lucy, “I did what was deemed right. We’re doctors. We save whoever we can.” She reasoned. 

Lucy turns and started raising her voice, “You saved someone who caused 3 deaths. Maybe the student wouldn’t have make it even if you send him to the OR, but how can you look at him and make the decision to let him die while you try and save someone that caused the accident?”

Alex looks at Lucy and she saw something. 

Lucy was the exact shadow of how Alex was seven years ago. 

Alex felt like she was looking into a mirror and saw her younger self. 

Alex had every right to yell at Lucy asking her to grow up, or she can bring this to Derek and have Lucy run labs for the whole month. But this was an important lesson that Lucy needs to have. 

The reality of being a doctor. 

So many sentences and lectures circulated Alex’s mind, but in the end she settles with, “Because I’m  _ just  _ a doctor.” 

Lucy scoffs. 

Alex continues, “Stop thinking with your heart for a moment. We’re doctors, we’re not God. We don’t have the power to decide who deserves to be saved or not. We do what we can with what we have. And at the time, we only had one neurosurgeon and I can only save one.”

So many interns come in with the thought that they can save everyone. 

But reality is cruel. 

Limited resources is the biggest enemy when it comes to situations like this. 

“Don’t use your personal moral and ethical values, to determine who should or should not be saved.” Alex pauses for a moment, needing to let herself hear that again as well. 

Alex walks back to her seat, grabbing her empty can and throwing it into the bin, “Think of it this way, if you didn’t know who was the drunk driver, would you have still insisted on me trying to save that kid?” she asks, fixing eye contact with Lucy. 

And Lucy’s eyes widened. 

Alex watches as realization dawns on Lucy’s face. 

Lucy thought about it for a moment. Alex was right. If Lucy hadn’t knew who the driver was, she’d agree with Alex’s decision. 

But she still felt uneasy. 

Is this what a doctor needs to do?

And at the same time Lucy actually looks at Alex. 

She looks into her eyes. 

And she saw something. 

Something like guilt, or maybe regret. But also pride and relief. 

Alex started putting on her coat, “As doctors, you do what needs to be done. In that moment, I needed to decide who had a higher chance of living, and it was the guy with the hemorrhage. It doesn’t matter that I hate drunk people, and it doesn’t matter if he killed 3 guys. At the moment he was a patient. And I treat all of my patients with the same level of care. No one deserves less, and no one deserves more. Because that’s not my decision to make.” 

She continues to clip the pager to her coat pocket, “It’s hard. And it doesn’t feel good. But it’s the job I signed up for. It’s the job  _ we  _ signed up for.” And she heads to the door.

She took a pause when she was next to Lucy, who was standing still, “And to answer your question, yes. I can sleep well tonight. Because I saved the driver’s life, only for him to face what, ten years of imprisonment? And that was all that I can do for Jackson.” 

Jackson. 

That was his name. 

Alex proceeds to exit the meeting room, pausing again when her hand was turning the door knob, “I couldn’t save his life, but at least I’m not giving the driver a  _ peaceful death _ .” and with that she left the room.

Leaving Lucy alone in there. 

Reflecting on her own. 

* * *

 

Lucy left the hospital that night after her shift ended and caught a familiar face on one of the benches outside the hospital. She recognized it as the other Dr. Danvers. 

The one that she embarrassed herself in front of, on her first day of work.

Alex’s sister. 

She saw Lucy walking and perked up. 

She waved at Lucy. 

“Hey, you remember me?”

Lucy nods, offering a small smile, “Yeah, Dr. Danvers. The younger one.”

“Come sit with me for a minute.” She said, patting the empty seat next to her. 

Lucy took a seat. 

“I heard about your little disagreement with my sister.” 

“Yeah…” Lucy sighs.

Kara smiles. “You know, if you ask the Chief, he’d tell you that he had the same disagreement with her years ago.”

Lucy raises her brows, this was interesting. 

Kara laughs at Lucy’s reaction, “She used to be more emotional than she is now, not in a bad way. She just used to act using her heart more. She’d beat herself up when she loses someone, and she’d do more than she should to try and save everyone. But after all these years, she kind of understands how tough it is to be a doctor and do the ‘right thing’ everytime.”

Lucy tries to imagine that. She imagines a younger Alex Danvers running around Dr. Shepherd and asking questions and fighting over matters. It seemed ridiculous, but also kind of funny.

Kara turns her body so she’s facing more towards Lucy, “You’re still just an intern, you don’t need to make these decisions yet. I had to learn it the hard way as well. We all did.”

Lucy nods. She understands. After the whole talk with Alex, she understood why Alex made that decision. She just don’t think she can make the same decision if it’s up to her. 

“I don’t know how to just switch off my conscience. I don’t think I can look at a patient and let him die without even trying to save him, knowing that he was innocent.”

“Then don’t. Don’t switch it off. Adjust it a little. Make them softer. Keep their voices at low. Know they’re there, but don’t let them affect your decision. You still have years before you need to make decisions like these.” Kara explains. 

Kara remembers how reality first hit her. She still have her patient’s picture in her locker. It’s easy for an intern to feel helpless during their time in the hospital and for reality to not meet their expectations of a doctor’s life. 

People think doctors are all about saving lives and feeling proud, but it’s so much more than that. She has had her own experiences of sinking deep into a spiral of thoughts and just trying to come back from it, and she doesn’t want anyone to be alone when facing that. 

Kara shakes herself out of her own thoughts, “Anyways, I just thought I’d cheer you up a little. I heard about your little ER incident from the nurses, and I know Alex can be a little too harsh sometimes.” Kara explains, knowing damn well that her sister can often be misunderstood as cold. 

Kara dig into her coat pocket and offers Lucy a lollipop. 

Lucy looks at the candy and smirks, “I’m not a kid.”

Kara mocks offended, “Who refuses a lollipop? It’s a big hit in peds.” She says, giving Lucy one of her puppy eyes. 

Lucy just laughs at her. This Dr. Danvers is indeed so much different from the other one. She took the candy and nods, “Thank you.”

It makes Lucy wonder why this Dr. Danvers waited for her in the first place. It’s not like they were friends or anything, she barely had any interaction with Kara in the hospital. She’s been busy working under Dr. Grey under some of the easier cases. 

As if hearing her thought, Kara tilts her head at Lucy with a soft smile, “Alex never talks to me about work, if you were wondering. I came because I wanted to, nothing to do with her. She’s probably in the bar drinking now.”

Kara grins at Lucy’s grimace and turns to walk back into the hospital, “I’ll see you around Dr. Lane.”

Lucy opens the packaging of the lollipop, “Thank you, Dr. Danvers.”

“Call me Kara.” was the last thing Lucy heard before she walks back to her apartment after a long day. 

* * *

 

The next day, Alex came to work with deep need of caffeine. She overslept a little so she couldn’t grab coffee on her way. She made her way straight to her office, hoping to catch some time for coffee before her first surgery that day. 

She was surprised to see a coffee and a note on her desk. 

She took the coffee and gave it a sniff, realizing that it was exactly her taste and wondered who left it for her. She brought up the note to see sloppy writing on it. 

A peace offering. 

Dr. Danvers,    
Sorry for yesterday.    
This one’s on me.   
\- L. L. 

Alex took a sip of her coffee. 

Took a seat on her chair. 

_ Hmm...maybe she is cute.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Grammar/spelling errors are all mine.  
> I do not know nor have I studied medicine in any form or way, my knowledge in medicine only applies to the few seasons of Grey's Anatomy that I've watched.  
> The whole issue they have in this story is debatable, and you can have your own opinion on who was 'right', and I'm not here to say who's right and who's wrong, it's just based on their position, I would imagine this is one issue that came up between them.  
> (so comments complaining solely based on the debate will be removed)  
> I am now overly invested in this little universe that I created, and I love seeing Alex as a badass surgeon.  
> I am working on more stories for this whole AU, but send me prompts if you want to see anything specific and I'll try my best :)  
> Comments or Kudos are more than welcomed, and you can scream at me at my Tumblr : cryz-22


End file.
